The Very Best Resolution You Can Make This Year

A few years ago, I noticed in my research that wholehearted people—my term for men and women with the courage to be vulnerable and live their lives "all in"—shared something else, too: They goofed off. They spent time doing things that to me seemed frivolous, like gardening and reading. I couldn't really wrap my head around it—were they slackers? Then one day, while I watched my kids jump on the trampoline in our backyard, it hit me: Wholehearted adults play.

Researcher Stuart Brown, MD, describes play as time spent without purpose. To me this sounds like the definition of an anxiety attack. I feel behind if I'm not using every last moment to be productive, whether that means working, cleaning the house or taking my son to baseball practice. But I can't ignore what the research (mine and others') tells us: Play—doing things just because they're fun and not because they'll help achieve a goal—is vital to human development. Brown believes that play is at the core of creativity and innovation. Play can mean snorkeling, scrapbooking or solving crossword puzzles; it's anything that makes us lose track of time and self-consciousness, creating the clearing where ideas are born.
Which means it's a mistake to restrict play to vacations. In 2014, I hope you'll join me in resolving not to base your self-worth only on your productivity. It's playtime!

THE DARE
Create a play list. Write down three activities you could do for hours on end. Mine are reading, editing photos on my computer and playing Ping-Pong with my family.
Now carve out time on your calendar. Even when I'm busiest, I schedule unstructured time. It's important to protect playtime the way you protect work, church or PTA meetings.
Play well with others. When my husband and kids made their own play lists, we realized that our usual vacations, which involved sightseeing, weren't really anyone's idea of play. So now we go places where we can hike, swim and play cards—things that make us all our most silly, creative and free-spirited selves.

Brené Brown, PhD, is the author of Daring Greatly (Gotham Books).

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Best-Resolution-Have-a-Happy-Year#ixzz2qS45DWC6

Lasting Calm in 16 Minutes (Or Less)

 Frustrated? Worried? Tried breathing exercises but they didn't work? The Buddhist teacher and author of A Path with Heart shows us a few ways to re-find a sense of peace—fast.

By Jack Kornfield

 

 

 

Step One: Shrink the Bundle, Expand Like the Sky (3 minutes)

 

Why do it: The Buddha advises you to "make your mind vast like the sky," because when you lose perspective, your mind contracts into tight patterns of worry and fear. When you open your perspective, calm returns.

How to do it: Picture or imagine putting all your problems in a big package, a huge bundle all wrapped up. Take your time. Let it be as big as it needs to be. Now, picture or imagine that you can slowly shrink the bundle smaller and smaller, until it can fit in the palm of your hand. Place the bundle in the hands of your higher power or whoever is your spiritual support so he/she can help you care for it. Now, with your worries being held, relax. Imagine your mind can open to be vast like the sky. Thoughts and feelings move through the sky like clouds, but you are the sky, open and calm. Even if storms come, the sky remains open and lets them come and go. Rest.

Step Two: Reconnect with Your Best Intention (3 minutes)

Why do it: Your best intention is just another way of describing your heart's wisest and most compassionate motivation. You cannot always control the outcome of events, but you can act with your best intention no matter what. Stress usually evaporates when you know you've done what your best self believes in; there is no reason to regret your choices.

How to do it: Whatever the difficult circumstances, take a minute to stop and reconnect with your best intention. Stop in the middle of that tough conversation, frustrating conflict or troubling email—and pause. Turn away for a moment. Take three breaths. Ask yourself, "What is my best intention?" When your heart gives you the answer, then turn back and respond.

Step Three: Move (5 minutes)

Why do it: Body and mind are connected. Modern neuroscience shows that when the body relaxes, the nervous system can regulate itself, and the mind calms.

How to do it: Find a place where you can move (without looking weird). Stand. Begin to shake your body out, let it move. Really let the tension out. Shake your arms and flap your hands strongly. Move your legs, shake, dance, kick, stomp. Shake your head, flop your shoulders, make faces, make noises like you are a kid. Move until you feel some release (two minutes).

Now find a place to sit down. Close your eyes. Start at the top of your head. Slowly tighten and relax your body, one part at a time. Relax your eyes and face. Squint and release your eyes; loosen your jaw. Roll your head in a circle to relax your neck. Raise and lower your shoulders several times and let them relax. Tighten and release your arms and hands. Move on to relax your chest, belly, back, pelvis, genitals, butt, thighs, legs, ankles and feet. Drink in the relaxation (three minutes).

Step Four: Hold Yourself with Kindness (5 minutes)

Why do it: When a baby is distressed, holding her gently, with kindness, settles her down. In the same way, you can calm your own mind and ease your heart by holding yourself with compassion.

What to do: Sit comfortably. Notice whatever stress and problems you still carry, and how they feel in your mind and body. Instead of struggling against the problems, imagine you are holding them with kindness as if they were crying children. Next, put a hand on your heart. Hold yourself with kindness. With each breath, bring in care for yourself in the midst of struggles and difficulties. Note how your heart eases, your mind quiets, grace and calm return.


Jack Kornfield is the author of A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life and Meditation for Beginners.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Find-Lasting-Calm/2#ixzz2owhfSLVq

Overwhelmed? 5 Ways to Find Peace in Less Than 5 Minutes

When the daily chaos of life gets to be too much, try these fast-acting techniques to stay calm.

By Corrie Pikul

During Rush Hour: Pop a Peppermint

What helps a frustrated, worn-out driver (besides vanishing traffic, of course)? Researchers at Wheeling Jesuit University in West Virginia found that pumping peppermint-scented air into the cars of ticked-off commuters helped decrease anxiety and fatigue. Stash a bag of peppermint candies in your glove compartment to help you keep your cool in honking traffic or during a hectic commute.

While Trying to Get Dinner on the Table: Stop Listening to the 6 p.m News...at 6 p.m.

The oil in your wok has started to smoke, your dog is barking to go out, the vegetables you were planning to stir-fry are too old to be edible—and Brian Williams has nothing but bad news. It's important to stay on top of current events, but you're not helping anyone by catching up during one of the most frantic times of your day—least of all, yourself. Exposure to media coverage of upsetting events can not only spike stress levels, but it can also make you feel worse physically, found a 2012 Israeli study that assessed 55 chronic-pain patients before and after a local three-week missile attack. Participants who watched more television reports of the attack said that their stress was more acute and their pain felt more intense. Your best bet: DVR the news to watch when the kitchen's closed for the night and every last fork is in the dishwasher.

As You Stare Down 3,572* Unread Emails: Remember to Breathe

A few years ago, Linda Stone, a high-tech exec-turned-adviser and consultant, noticed that she was holding her breath whenever she sat down at her computer. She observed more than 200 people using computers and smartphones and found that the vast majority of them were doing the same thing—forgetting to inhale (or taking shallow breaths) after logging on. Stone, who calls this phenomenon "screen apnea," says it can trigger the body's fight-or-flight response, increase anxiety, interfere with digestion and, when doing it day after day (while never really making a dent in those 3,000-plus emails), compromise your overall health and immunity. You can see the value of a technique to stay calm and clear-headed as you file and delete. Stone personally had success with Buteyko, a form of diaphragmatic breathing—which is what Anne Marie Albano, PhD, director of the Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders, says is one of the best and most effective stress-management techniques. There are many different types of breathing techniques, but the vast majority of us will benefit from making sure that we simply exhale for twice as long as we inhale. Stone regularly pauses to ask herself if she's breathing, and then she takes a break to inhale, exhale and stretch.

When Researching a New Car Purchase: Snack Like a Hiker

Shoppers spend 16 weeks, on average, researching cars on the Web, reports the trade magazine Wards Auto, and by the end of that time, they're often more confused and overwhelmed than when they started. One way to make the drawn-out process seem less daunting: Eat trail mix while you read reviews and weigh options. Recent experiments have shown that the simple sugar glucose (which is found in raisins) can counteract the negative brain changes wrought by decision fatigue and keep your impulse control (ooh, retractable door umbrellas!) in check.

When You've Got 4 Hours to Finish 41 Tasks: Take the Right Kind of Break

We usually make one of two mistakes when we dash out for a breather, says Susan M. Orsillo, PhD, author of The Mindful Way Through Anxiety: We waste mental energy trying not to think about our to-do list, or we continue to worry about our workload—by complaining to a coworker or calling our spouse to vent. Both types of response effectively cancel out the break, leaving us still frazzled when we return to our desk. Instead, Orsillo suggests taking a meditative break. Leave your phone and your coworker behind, and find a quiet place to stand and actively observe the world around you. "You'll feel renewed and slightly rested in just a few minutes," she says. Trying to be in the moment, as easy as it sounds, can actually be pretty challenging. Orsillo suggests practicing at times when you don't have as much on your plate, and she offers step-by-step audio meditation exercises at mindfulwaythroughanxietybook.com. (If you can't get outside, try the 7-minute Mindfulness of Clouds & Sky meditation at your desk.)

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Find-Peace-of-Mind-Reduce-Anxiety#ixzz2k7v8wAqm

O-Dream-Board-Envision-Your-Best-Life

O Dream Board: Envision Your Best Life™

People have created vision boards for years using images from magazines on corkboards or posterboards but they weren't very portable. Since many of us spend our days on the computer, create your own O Dream Board to serve as a daily reminder of your aspirations and what you want your life to be.

What do you want in your life? What images represent your dreams? What words inspire you to move forward? Capture them with O Dream Board. Get clear about your goals, your hopes and your vision for your life. Make the connection to turn your dreams into reality every day.

The new O Dream Board is a free web-based application available to all Oprah.com members and easy to share with your friends. So dream it. See it. Share it. Achieve it. And repeat. Start living you best life now!

With O Dream Board you can:

• Upload photos from your computer
• Choose from our photo library featuring images by our partner Getty Images
• Write inspirational quotes, words and actions
• Change your O Dream Board as you change
• Keep track of your life's journey with an archive of your pas
  
  t O Dream Boards
• Save image jpgs to your desktop
• Share your O Dream Board with your family and friends

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/O-Dream-Board-Envision-Your-Best-LifeTM#ixzz2dXgqH6d2

 

Iyanla Vanzant's 5 Rules of Making a Big Change

1. Have a vision.

You can't achieve something if you don't know what it is! Maybe you want to start thinking more positively. The vision will give you something to focus on and writing it down will help you stay on track.

2. Give yourself permission to be different...
from how you've been in the past, and from what you think is expected of you. Answer the call from within to connect to what's true for you.

3. Begin where you are, with what you have.
When you start a workout, a trainer will tell you, "If you can't touch your toes, reach for your knees. If you can't reach your knees, go for your hips." So do what you can. And then...

4. Push.
When your mind says, "No!" you say, "Yes." (No, you can't think positively about that plane delay? Yes—two hours to yourself!—yes, you can.)

5. Lighten up your enlightenment.
Transformation doesn't have to be deep, dark, and mysterious. If you screw up, fine—laugh at yourself, learn, and move on.

Iyanla Vanzant is the host of OWN's Iyanla: Fix My Life and the author of Peace from Broken Pieces (Smiley).

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Make-a-Change-Iyanla-Fix-My-Life